Spools For Eyes. Tape For Hair. Heart Of Dreams.

Ah. The elusive Cassetteboy. Very well.

Legend has it, it should be Cassetteboys and not Cassetteboy, in the shape of two Brighton based ne’er-do-wells called ‘Mark’ and ‘Steve’. Or ‘Mark’ and ‘Simon’. But not ‘Steve’ and ‘Simon’.

A likely story.

There are whispers in certain opium dens in certain ports, that Cassetteboy is actually the evil Decepticon Soundwave, an ingenious robot / audio cassette recorder contraption, with the ability to detect and jam radio transmissions all across the energy spectrum.

Slightly more plausible. But wrong.

For my part, after many minutes researching the matter, I see the truth lying somewhere between man and machine – for I believe Cassetteboy to be a manchild with tape spools for eyes, splicing instruments for hands, cassette tape for hair, cogs and wheels for insides, and a good heart, made of hopes and dreams. His only hope of communicating with the outside world is by taking that which he can play, and attempting to shape it into some kind of coherent message. To presume his appearance appalling would not be quite correct, but in truth, he is no oil painting.

Hence sporadic output, and even more sporadic appearances, using human puppets whilst he works behind a veil of secrecy on the rare occasions of live performance (please see the picture above).

Here we have some selected moments from The Parker Tapes which can be found on Barry’s Bootlegs. The full 98-track monstrosity can be purchased from those fine folk at Rhythm Online (go to ‘C’ and keep scrolling down), who also have other selected Cassetteboy gems for your perusal.

One day, the world will accept him. Until then, we must make do with what we can, and wait for the message to become clear…

Cassetteboy - Phil Collins’ Cock

Cassetteboy - CV Mosq And More Except For CV Mosq

Cassetteboy - If That’s Yer Attitude

Cassetteboy - 2 Millennium Big Knee

Cassetteboy - Joliver

A Simple Network Of The Omnipotent Breath

Where to begin.

If anyone should know about floating in the stars with all of life as your companion, it could well be the Lone Pigeon, Gordon Anderson. Ten years of electric shock ‘therapy’ will do that to a man.

No.

A fair bit has already been said about The Aliens, but suffice to say, the re-incarnate space child of The Beta Band, those most mighty of triumph turn ultimate disappointments, is not a thing to be sniffed at, and who knows, they might even keep it together this time.

Maybe.

The Aliens walk amongst us. The Mothership has landed. Captains, we salute you.

Yes.

Their first album Astronomy For Dogs is out in the middle of March, and they tour all round the gaff around that time too, for what should be the final act of the resurrection.

These are from their first EP Alienoid Starmonica, an imperious progressive harmonic out-of-body abduction and ode to the firmament amongst which they recline, finally at leisure.

The Aliens - Hey Leanne

The Aliens - Only Waiting

My Whole World Is Falling

Throughout the 1970s, ABBA were pretty much the most popular group in the whole world. They sung about historic battles (in a nice way), dancing queens and stuff. It was all very well done, and very shiny, and very, very nice.

They got married to each other, wore fetching knitwear, sported facial hair, and were all very nice, which in turn inspired fanaticism that bordered on the religious in its innocence.

When they got to the 1980s, as is often the case where apparent perfection has reigned, things were falling apart, cracking at the seams, but they carried on.

In 1981 they made their last album together. Set amongst divorces settled and in progress, re-marriages and recriminations, The Visitors wasn’t very nice. The shininess was still there, and the smiles were painted on, but things had changed, distinct divisions were visible where before there was one polygamous whole.

Songs about loss, loneliness and paranoia replace the nonsense of before, as we witness a group of people falling apart before our eyes, played out in public at their own request.

It’s still ABBA, and obviously so, but the title track goes beyond anything they did before – synths, vocoders, verse and chorus bolted together, sounding like the long lost pop song Neu! and Vangelis never wrote, and about the fear and terror that comes from plotting in secret against a stronger force – it’s been said the lyrics are set in a context of resistance against Soviet rule, but it could quite easily be seen as a very human battle.

It is also my favourite song today. You can get the album on the cheap from lots of places, I got it for a fiver the other day. Nice.

ABBA - The Visitors

Don’t Make Another Bass Guitar Mr. Rickenbacker

DIY 2007

1 – Buy a laptop
2 – Get a shonky copy of Reason or Cubase or something
3 – Make some songs, with loads of computer orchestras and that on it without actually really playing anything
4 – Create a Myspace page
5 – Upload the songs and some pictures and stuff
6 – Send out friend requests to any old fucker anywhere
7 – Repeat steps 3 to 6 until bored shitless

DIY 1980

1 – Get / make some instruments
2 – Learn how to play them (optional)
3 – Write some songs
4 – Buy a tape recorder and a microphone (optional)
5 – Go round your mates shed, and record songs with made up instruments (see step 1)
6 – Do some gigs in your local church hall ideally in Scunthorpe
7 – If people actually pay to see you, use the money to make a proper real record
8 – Design a cover and stuff
9 – Send one to John Peel
10 – Listen to the radio for months hoping to hear the record you made
11 – Never tell anyone

So if it’s easier now, why was it better then?

The answers can be found in the two note guitar lines and bins-for-drums of Puritan Guitars, or the bass-made-of-floorboards dirty hiss camp paranoia of Instant Automatons. There are others, oh, there are others.

I’d heartily recommend Messthetics Greatest Hits for starters.

Puritan Guitars - £100 In 15 Minutes

Instant Automatons - Scared To Be Alone

Danny & The Dressmakers - Don't Make Another Bass Guitar Mr Rickenbacker