The Seven Deadly Sins Of Tiny Dancing - Part Two: Greed

Dancer: Outside of the heady world of 'big business' (which being a simple man I don’t really do the understanding of) are there any better king sized bedfellows than music and greed? You can keep your claims about artistic integrity and doing it for the kids, I’m not interested – it’s all about the money.

What was Robert Johnson after when he sold the devil his soul? Money. Make me the best guitar player in the world, and I’ll make a fortune. Simple. Should have read the small print, but there you go.

The Rolling Stones, even when Andrew Loog-Oldham was making them look dirty and swarthy at the Crawdaddy Club, they were in it for the money. 40 years on, they embark on Saga tour after Saga tour, each one setting the record for the most money made ever. Then, they re-invent the rules on avoiding any kind of tax, stock pile mountains of cash that would make a lot of small countries wince, and plainly refuse to write anything any good ever again.

Lars Ulrich – dear, dear, furious Lars. Unless you’re paying stupid amounts of money for a huge selling album which costs the company about 20p to put out, he will happily destroy your life. Actually, he might have calmed down a little bit, after selling his private art collection for millions and millions of dollars a few years ago. Probably not. He probably needs to buy a new jet or something.

EMI satiate the huge appetites for wealth that their massively ego’d artists cultivate, forgetting that maybe they’re not actually all that good in real life, leaving them vulnerable to a sharking private equity firm, prompting said artists to revolt, claiming they’re not going to work for a company that doesn’t understand the music. That would be the same artists that made the same stupid demands of the same stupid executives in the first place, plunging the company into disarray, and forcing huge redundancies onto the plebs? Just wanted to make sure I was on the right track there.

Money fuelled excess traces a slimy path throughout the history of modern music, from the super groups of the 60s and 70s, to the rock geniuses of the 80s, the rap stars of the 90s. Where does it all stop? Well, it could be here. The futureweb, and all that. But probably not. Whatever anyone ever says, it’s not about the music. Not completely anyway.

So, all that said and done, I need to present you with a song. I’ve been struggling a bit here without being completely obvious - we decided no Floyd and no ABBA - but I’ve come up with this. Sampling Jay-Z and The Beatles without even asking (shocking), infuriating music executives (for shame) and given away for absolutely nothing (disgraceful), The Grey Album is perhaps a rare example of music for music sake, promoting everything that the industry hates because it takes money out of their pockets.

Sorry Lars. Really.



Danger Mouse – 99 Problems


Stardust: There’s nothing worse than a miserly hippy. Rock Stars whining about money in general is not an attractive proposition; but it’s even worse if they’re hippies. One thinks of George Harrison whinging about how he’s being robbed blind on Taxman. Yes George, isn’t it terrible that the government is redistributing your wealth to the poor and needy when you really, really, really want that diamond encrusted sitar from Tiffany’s so you can write another dull as dishwater pompous and pontificating song about how we’re all too blind to see what life is really all about. It calls to mind the lyrics of The Kink’s Sunny Afternoon which is a much more charming and tongue in cheek muse on the subject (as you’d expect from Ray Davies).

The taxman's taken all my dough
And left me in my stately home
Lazin' on a sunny afternoon.
And I can't sail my yacht
He's taken ev'rything I've got;
All I've got's this sunny afternoon

Which brings me to the subject of Moz who most certainly couldn’t be accused of being a hippy. I was watching a Chris Rock stand-up show the other day where he was going through a list of all the celebrities that he was "Done With". Michael Jackson for there being ANOTHER boy; Janet Jackson for getting a 40 year old titty out in the afternoon; R Kelly for denying it was him in the video ("We KNOW what you look like!"). I’m sad to say that I think I’m Done With Moz. I don’t want to get too much into the political issues as I haven’t read exactly what he said but for it to happen a second time that he’s accused of racism is getting into Jacko territory. Should a man whose family is originally from Ireland and has himself actually emigrated to America and Italy be complaining about immigration..? But like I say, I haven’t read exactly what he said and I don’t really want to read it. We forgave the first time because we trusted you but if you really do think that then just don’t answer the question Morrissey!!!!

However, we’re here today to discuss greed and I’m afraid Morrissey and money are not too good a combination either. Anyone who loved The Smiths would have found all the issues regarding the treatment financially of Joyce and Rourke uncomfortable reading. Is it right that they should only receive 10% each of royalties (outside of publishing rights)? I don’t know, but whatever the rights and wrongs there’s no disguising that Morrissey in particular did not come across in the way those of us who hero worshipped him would have liked. The irony though is that what I believe to be one of his finest songs seems to heavily reference the issue. It’s called Why Don’t You Find Out For Yourself and it’s on Vauxhall And I.

Some men here
They have a special interest in your career
They want to help you to grow
And then siphon all your dough

The album came out during the arse end of the Britpop period and instead of being heralded as the master coming back to show his pupils how it’s done, it was lost amongst the younger, shriller voices of the time. It’s a shame as I think it’s his best solo work and as I get older and my concerns change I find that I prefer it to any of The Smiths albums as well. Buy the album here and don’t read any more interviews.



Morrissey – Why Don’t You Find Out For Yourself?


Debris: I’ve got the brains / You’ve got the looks / Let’s make lots of money

So sang the Pet Shop Boys on their classic anti-Thatcherism hit Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots Of Money). The thing I love about this song – apart from the fact that it’s a great tune – is that even though we all know it’s a critique of the greed inherent in the late 1980s finance culture, it isn’t actually explicitly stated that way in the lyrics themselves. In essence, we have to infer the irony simply from the fact that we know Neil Tennant is a bit lefty. Genius.

Also, I find myself strangely attracted to the offers we are being made in this song:

Ask yourself this question / Do you want to be rich?

I’m looking for a partner / Regardless of expense

Is it wrong that I’m tempted to join this silver-tongued city wideboy? My god – am I a yuppie?

There’s a lot of opportunities / If you know when to take them



Pet Shop Boys - Opportunities (Let's Make Lots Of Money)


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